I felt that I'm useless at times. Ever since young, I dare not speak up.. even when my Primary school friends bullied me in school.. I kept quiet and cried quietly in the toilet until Brother Owen found me. This is me.. Timid, think too much and scared of trouble. When I do speak up, it only ended up unhappiness... Then I started to ponder, is it my fault? I just need to be more understanding and accomodating and everyone will be happy. What am I persisting on? Too many times, too many instances that I start to bottle more and more in my heart and cried it out one fine day to let go.... Although it will not be a total relief, at least I let part of it off.
I'm feeling lost.. I'm feeling bad.. everytime when things turns out ugly, I feel that I am the cause of all trouble. Why am I the bottleneck.. Why can't I just contain my thoughts and let it go. Everything will be fine if I just bottle it up and don't think about it. Since there are many things beyond our control, why am I making things difficult.. Didn't I learn my lesson? WHY!!!??
I know I'm not the only one tired... so I should not complain. I will reflect and count my blessings.... Suddenly remember a verse that someone mentioned recently..
世上本来就是空的，看世间万物无不是一个空字，心本来就是空的话，就无所谓抗拒外面的诱惑，任何事物从心而过，不留痕迹。
Fundamentally bodhi is no tree
Nor is the clear mirror a stand.
Since everything is primordially empty,
What is there for dust to cling to?
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