Sunday, March 30, 2008

~ Disturbed ~

Lately hasn't been feeling too good. Not having a peace of mind and having many thoughts.

Work, Children and Family issues... Sighz.

I am happy with my current work. Good pay, flexible time, nice colleagues (although more are leaving ever since we moved to Tuas.). The only setback - there is no sense of job security. Every now and then, there will be an re-organisation. My team in the US has shrink from 10 over to 5 and now 3. Has been having thoughts on looking out for another job...

Denver has been really naughty and not obeying lately. Skipping his homework and keep pestering us to play games. :( We explained to him that he can only play if he completes his work and be a good boy. Somehow he just don't does it. Really making our blood boil. When we are too nice to him, he will ask for more. I am really getting tired of 'arguing' with him. Headache. :( It really upset me to be mad at him too..

Problems with my mil never did improved.. I am just waiting for the bomb to blow. Last week, my fil was dignosed to be suffering from slight depression. With the state and condition my mil is, living in constant worries and fear natuarally will cause my fil to be stress out. To prepare for the worst, we may need to get a maid or put the children in childcare. Sighz..

Reflecting upon myself.. since I graduated from Uni.. I have not been able to contribute to my parents. Career was not smooth-sailing when I started out and very soon I got married and had kids. I guess if there are any regrets in my life... that will be not giving enough and not bringing my parents overseas for tour. I went with my in-laws but never did once with my parents. At least my brothers did and contributed. :( I never considered myself being a filial daughter and never will be. There are no excuses to give... just for the sake of making myself feel better. The least I can do now is to start giving again..

Daily work, household chores and managing the children already make me very exhausted.. Whenever I start to think of stuff, I felt very disturbed. There are things that are beyond my means.. and there are things that I am just too tired to embark on. Day in, Day out.. sometimes I feel I am wasting my time, my life.... Still, LIFE HAS TO GO ON! What has past will never return.. future is left unknown.. Tomorrow is another new day! Cheer up! Kanbetei!!!!

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